My biggest untether

I read a lot of Ev Bogue's blog because it really speaks to me. He's untethered from many things in his life such as possessions. I've also been trying to loosen my ties I have to various things such as clothing. I've just realised that I started untethering a long while ago. I would like to tell you about my biggest.

I was brought up in a family of Jehovah's Witnesses. My dad left the witnesses when I was about 8 and my older brother when I was about 12. When I was 14 I decided I was going to leave too as I didn't have faith in the Witnesses beliefs. I went to live at my brothers flat but I only managed a couple of days. I could see how much it upset my mum and nan so I went back home. After a few months I decided I believed what they taught and I was baptized as one of Jehovah's Witnesses.

However, as time went on, I began to question my beliefs. I began to find holes and cracks but these were glossed over by others. 'Pray about it and then don't dwell on it anymore as doubts can make you lose faith.' This didn't make sense to me, especially as when we went from door-to-door we hoped to find people with open minds to listen to us. But, if someone tried to tell us why they thought their beliefs were true then we made a quick exit. Why should we expect them to be open minded to us when we wouldn't be to them?

About that time I became depressed. I didn't show it to others, I put up a front, but when I was alone in my room, I used to think of ways to kill myself. I even used to cut my arms, not for attention as I would hide it, but it would provide some relief from the emotional pain I felt. I was a multitude of emotions inside. I wanted to leave the Witnesses but that would mean I would have to move out as my family wouldn't let me stay if I did.

For some time I kept up the charade that I was a happy little Witness, doing the things a good Witness should and no one saw through it.

When I was 18, I took the plunge. I split up with my then girlfriend, who was a witness and moved back to my hometown. But, instead of moving back in with my Witness mum and step-dad, I moved in with my non-Witness dad and bother. I did this very quickly, withing the space of a couple of days. All I could take with me was what I could fit in my dads car which meant I had to leave a lot of my things behind.

It wasn't the items I left behind that was difficult , it was leaving the Witnesses. You see, when someone leaves the Jehovah's Witnesses, they leave behind nearly everyone who is a Witness as they are seen as an apostate, some one who will lead you astray, some one who knows "the truth" but rejects it. For me that included nearly all the people I had know for as long as I could remember, friends, all of my family, including my mum, my little brother and sister, my cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents.

This is the price I pay for wanting to live life on my own terms.

The last time I saw my mother was 2 years ago. I'm not allowed to see my little 11 year old brother, who I was very close to, or my little sister as I am "bad association". Thankfully, there are still some family who are Witnesses who still talk to me and respect my decision and don't judge me just because I don't believe what they do.

By untethering, I lost a great deal, but I got my own life.

//

When untethering from things, ask yourself the following questions:

What will I gain from this?

How important is what I will gain to me?

What might I lose?

Is what I will gain worth more than what I may lose?

These are very important questions you need to ask yourself before you decide to untether from something.

--
Joel